Communication Breakdown

Communication crack-up Deborah Tannen in her essay Sex Lies and Conversation points out the problems in communication between genders. She focuses on conversational styles and on how a someones takeations of ones reaction may cause mis witnessing. She emphasizes the vastness of something she calls cross cultural communication. Tannen believes that in order to overtake properly with the reversion sex we must use up their culture and adapt to conversation with them. First, Tannen describes the differences in how children interact.Most of what we know rough communication we examineed when we were children. When women ar teeny girls, they have best friends, ones we can sh are our secrets with. When we get a little older and have a relationship with the opposite sex we endure the same kind of communication. Tannen believes the importance is not necessarily the musical theme but the feeling that you get from conversation and points out ,What is important is not the individual subjects that are let out but the sense of affaire, of a life shared, that emerges when people tell their thoughts, feelings and impressions (51).We must get wind to socialize with the opposite sex the same way we do with the same sex. If we could learn to connect and have the sense of closeness with the opposite sex we might be able to snuff it successfully. Tannens research has shown that men socialize differently as boys and Since they dont assume babble is the cement that binds the relationship, men dont know what kind of talk women want, and they dont miss it when it isnt there(51). Tannen points out that boys learn to communicate in larger groups, often struggling not to be in the subaltern piazza of the conversation.Men do not wish well to listen they like to feel like they are the superior person in the conversation. (51) Communication starts in puerility and what we have learned to expect from conversations. Next, Tannen observes how men and women listen to each othe r and how this can cause misunderstanding between genders . She feels that there is confusion about what women expect and declares, When women talk to each other in a close, comfortable setting, they often overlap, finish each others sentences and anticipate what the other is about to say (53).Tannen also talks about listener noise. Women often leave alone say mhm or uhuh and men do not do these things when they talk to each other. Women are flavour for that listener noise and if he is silent, she thinks he is ignoring her but on the same token Tannen notes, Men who expect silent attention interpret a stream of listener noise as overreaction or vexation (53). Body language and conversational habits are causing women to feel like they are being do by and men to feel as if they are being interrupted.When a woman is having a conversation they expect the listener to express agreement and be supportive of the conversation. Men, on the other hand, feel it is their conversational resp onsibleness to express other positions in the argument. (53) Learning the importance of building a rapport with the person you are talking to may be another way to have successful conversation with the opposite sex. Finally, Tannen believes that erudition how the opposite sex communicates is the key. If we can learn what to expect when communication with someone then we can learn how to respond.Tannen suggests A sociolinguistic approach by which male-female conversation is seen as cross- cultural communication allows us to understand the problem and forge solutions without blaming either party(54). Tannen stresses the importance of telling the other person how you feel about their communication with you and advises, Women who feel abandoned and deprived when their husbands wont listen to or report occasional news may be happy to discover their husbands trying to adapt once they understand the redact of small talk in womens relationships (55).It is really not the male or females fault that we communicate the way we do but it is our fault if we do not speak up and tell them it bothers us. When we are in a relationship with another person we just have to adapt to the way they communicate to make the relationship work. If a woman learns to accept that her husband is not going to communicate with her like her best girlfriend did in her childhood then she can look for other people to allow in those types of conversation with. (55) Learning to communicate with the opposite sex involves many different things.Communication is something that is learned in childhood but mostly with the same sex. In order to have a successful relationship with nice communication we must understand that men and women have very different body language when communicating and that they do not respond the same. Accepting that there is a difference in the communication of genders and encyclopaedism to adapt is paramount in relationships. Tannen, Deborah. Sex, Lies and Conversation. The Norton Mix. Judy Sieg. New York W. W. Norton & Company, 2012. 45-55. Print.